Things that are not awesome

Meeting the family in a new relationship is always nerve wracking.  Especially when it's over a meal.  I sit down to eat at a fully set table, and watch what the others do, taking my cue from the more senior family members on what the tone would be for the meal.  Little did i know I was in for one the noisiest dinners EVER.  Dishes were passed around, grace was said and the feasting commenced.  First, I noticed everyone was scratching their plates with their utensil.  The scraping and scratching pierced my eardrums and wormed it's way to the inner circles of my patience.  I grit my teeth, smiled, and hoped for polite conversation to start up to take my mind off of the sounds of aunt Sue cutting her broccoli.  When the conversation, I certainly was distracted from the scraping... by the chewing and the talking!  The Sounds of older brother Jason eating his bread was audible across the table, Mom was laughing and carrying on with bits of rice flying everywhere.  Even grandma was in on the act.  I could barely answer the obligatory questions, horror filling every fold of my mind.  Once I managed to focus on singing Stravinsky loudly in my head, i was able to get through the meal  Just when I thought we were done, aunt Jane decides to lick her plate.  No, no, LITERALLY.  Quite possibly the most frightening meals ever.  And it wasn't the last.  I date this gent for several years.  ::shudder::

You can bet this isn't the only time I have encountered horrible manners, and unfortunately it certainly won't be the last.  Loud eaters, blatant mouthful talkers are everywhere.  These are major no-nos.  Ew.  Please don't disturb my meal with our open mouth cud-chewing.  Sooo gross.

<3
::shatter::

later.  like tomorrow.  <3  I've been awake forever ;)